Realigning Our Relationship With Stuff

Yong Pratt 0:01
Do you ever find yourself looking around wondering at just how much stuff you have accumulated over the years? What about all that stuff you store online digitally? Is it organized? Is it efficient? Well, today's guest, Paul Sockett, is here to shed some light on streamlining our stuff in the spaces around us.

Yong Pratt 0:25
Have you ever felt like there was something missing in your business, something holding you back from the success you're seeking? If so, you are not alone for nearly 20 years, and that's exactly how I felt as a business owner. It wasn't until I discovered Human Design, that it all became clear. And it turns out that I was the missing piece in my own business. Join me on this journey of discovering the real me and hear stories from other business owners, building businesses program all of their awesomeness. I'm Yong Pratt, and it's time my friend to Amplify Your Awesome™!

Yong Pratt 1:07
Hey there, Amplifiers! Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you are tuning in. If it's your first time tuning into the podcast, welcome! I'm Yong Pratt. I'm a Content Gold Mining Expert and Amplifier here at Amplify Your Awesome™. So glad to have you here with us today, because we have an amazing guest to talk about something really juicy. And that is stuff.

Yong Pratt 1:32
Let me tell you about our guest. Paul is a storyteller. He's a creator, a professional actor and voice artist. He's also a coach who helps people streamline their lives and re align with their story. How cool is that? And the stories that he helps us redefine or realign and how it impacts our space and the things in it. Paul, I am so grateful you said yes to this interview. I'm grateful that Jeff connected us. And I'm excited to dive into this topic of stuff.

Paul Sockett 2:06
Me too. I can't wait.

Yong Pratt 2:08
So Paul, I want to know. I know you're a professional actor, you're a professional voice artists, you do all these things you love performing, how did all of these things in your life that you love doing lead to what you're doing today helping people really organize and and realigning with their stuff?

Paul Sockett 2:28
Well, I think from that from the acting perspective, embodying empathically other people, and being able to feel other people's stories, has really helped me sit into that space of hearing other people's stories about the things that they own and the choices that they make. Because ultimately, everything we have in our lives, which goes and to me of why and I went through this process, or this the workshop that I lead, the space I hold for people, and the things I invite them to try all come from my own journey through my relationship with stuff and having lots of it. And I so I tend to use the word story and identity interchangeably. Because what I've come to feel, and this may change, who knows if you ask me tomorrow. But in this moment, it feels that identity is the person that we learned to be and the things we learned to say, and how we learned to behave when we were a kid in order to feel control and safety.

Paul Sockett 3:43
And so that so for me, it was being useful. I learned that being useful validated me in the relationships in the familial space in the educational spaces that I was in. And so that can shift in terms of the wording as we get older and as life happens, and we are in larger spaces with different people, more people. And so for me, it was all about books, I acquired like 600 books over time. They're all plays. It was all about my identity was being prepared, so useful to prepared and professional and ready. And so it got to this point where I must have just bought one more book. And, and and it was just the tipping point between the discomfort of keeping the story going became heavier than the discomfort of change. And so it just made me well it took practice this is the key thing is practice. I practiced seeing everything as a new thing, and not why I call lumping. So if I, if I take all this evidence that I've accrued the 600 books, that's a lot of evidence that my identity that I've taken a long time to, to prove is true.

Paul Sockett 5:20
There's a lot of evidence there. But if I get to separate, and I get to take one book out of the six, once I get to, I get to give it some factual context, it loses some of that potency of this is part of me. And I get to reframe as this was once a choice, and I get to make a new choice. What do I want that choice to be? So I get to slowly and in small ways, which is sometimes really significant, I get to notice the story I was trying to tell, I get to notice that identity that I was trying to prove to everybody else. It was how I wanted them to see me as prepared professional ready. And I realized that I didn't need the books in order to be professional, ready, prepared. So it meant that I over time released these books, most of them anyway, I still own some, because it is a practice. It's not just about Okay, get rid and suddenly the problem solved. Because a isn't a problem. It's just a piece of information. And it's and it's a low stakes way of making a new choice. Because, right, because if we got rid of everything, we ignore the story, we sort of go, Oh, well, that was the thing. It's gone now. But each time we do one book, The story is still there. And we get to see how our relationship with it changes, we get to make new choices all the time.

Yong Pratt 6:52
Yeah, and I really appreciate that you kind of wrap it up as it's a choice. We're all making these choices at every moment of every day. And the idea that we are different than the things around us. That's a tough lesson. I know, you know, we've learned before I came into the online space, I ran a brick and mortar Performing Arts studio for 17 years. And it took me a long time to, to disengage from that identity. And that's what who I was and what I did and how I was known for all those years. So to find that new place, that that new choice of being someone who was the same person just extracted and put in a different location, I guess I can use that word. And I imagine a lot of listeners have felt this or are going through this now where they're having to make some choices, whether it's professionally or personally.

Yong Pratt 7:38
And the idea that we can streamline rather than get rid of all the stuff because I know I've done those purges, too. When you get done thinking Wait, I thought I would feel something more and I didn't, I didn't really feel anything. Now I'm stressed out. I'm sad, because all these things I've accumulated over the years are gone. So So let's talk about this idea of streamlining our stuff. Because you said, you know, you went from 600 books to you know, a couple dozen, perhaps I know you're on the road traveling, you're a wanderer. So I imagine books are kind of a hard thing to tote around from place to place. So they're probably pretty pared down. How do you suggest we take a look at our stuff, one, and then decide or make a choice on what to sort of streamline and decide we don't need any more?

Paul Sockett 8:28
It's a great question. So anyone who has stuff and more stuff than they feel they want to need in this moment. here's here's the, you are doing exactly what you've been conditioned to do. So congratulations, you aren't a bad person, you aren't doing it wrong. You've been told that you should have more. And it you spoken about the myth of more or less absolutely in, in the context of stuff. We are constantly told to renew, buy more like increase the quantity of replace stuff all the time seasonally, actually, for a lot of stuff. And then there's the intuitive self that is always fighting for our team.

Paul Sockett 9:19
And that muscle is weakened by just not being used or not being listened to. Because the amount of media the amount of messaging that we get that more is better. And then contrasted with the less is more. How are we meant to exist in that space. This is why I created the workshop and the content that I've created because there there wasn't a space in some of the other things that exist, which have can be helpful for people but it just wasn't for me. Even the wording around what they're called is shaping us. Yeah, I'm trying not to say them. But you know,

Yong Pratt 10:06
I can picture in my mind right now. Right?

Paul Sockett 10:09
Yeah, begins with an M.

Yong Pratt 10:12
That's exactly what I was thinking.

Paul Sockett 10:13
Yeah. And the wording itself is less, it's less less thing. And, and so, for me, what I've felt through trying to engage with those methods, is there's no space for the shame and the hide feelings. There is a need, there's a messaging that tells us we need to put the hard feelings to one side, because the result that we're looking for, is to have less off. And so that speaks to your experience have, you thought there would be more energetic, emotional shift, the story still exists as to why you bought that thing in the first place. And why you there was a story up here that said, This is why you should continue to keep it.

Paul Sockett 11:07
Well, I call the past and future wise, the why I got it in the first place, and why I should continue to keep it those icky feelings that are all tied to this identity that we've been fighting so long for to keep. They still exist within the stuff. So what we might find is that we start to acquire new stuff that might not be identical. But if we, if we can find that space to lean into what that thing represents, it's still tied to the same story. So by not engaging with by not allowing, or shaping our space to accommodate shame, and fear, and doubt, and all of the shoulds it means that we start to use those things as the what the filter through which we make the choice, which is normally keep it

Yong Pratt 12:05
Exactly.

Paul Sockett 12:06
Right because it's terrifying. Which means that there is with the messaging of other methods, the fact that we didn't get rid of the thing means we failed. And so we're constantly battling this spectrum that actually doesn't exist, where there's a win and a loss, but as a success and a failure. And so my method allows for reconnecting with an individual object as a new thing, and giving it factual context. So it's the who, what, when, where, why, and how, and how many. And so, some of those questions might be super easy, some we might not even know the answer to, but we get to the we get to the why. And what we get to notice and we get to hold space for are the past in the future wise. Which is, well, this is why this is why I kept it in this way. Got it in first place. This is why it's really important. And you should continue to keep it because it might come in handy. Like that's often where it might come in handy. So it makes sense. Like otherwise it's a waste of money. Otherwise, you know, I'm wasteful. I'm not looking after the planet, you know, all of these kind of grand concepts. So we keep it through through the ease of not feeling this ease. Because if we actually go, okay, there's space for that I'm going to allow these feelings of custom future wise along with all the other pieces of factual context.

Paul Sockett 13:43
And I then turn the feelings into a piece of factual context I got a say, there are feelings attached to this object. Then the next step is to realign and we get to ask the question, do I want or need this? Now? The most important question, do I want only this now? Not should you know it might do you want or need it now? And rather that to earn again, to avoid this need of, if you get rid of it, it's a good thing. If you don't get rid of it. It's a bad thing. You have the do I want to do this now? Yes, no or not? No yet. Because though I might have allowed space for the hard feelings to happen, and all of the shoulds and all of the shame the choice might still feel too hard, even though I factually contextualized it. So I get to put it in there not know yet. All of the things we own are related to each other. There is a sharing of space and a sharing of some energy in there.

Paul Sockett 14:54
So if I choose to put this pen, which was my dad's and he's no longer with us, right, so there's fi Attach this pen, if I choose to put that in and not know yet pile, and then I go around some of my other objects. And I then come back to this pen at some point, the relation I have with this pen is different because I've chosen yes or no or not no yet on four or five other objects, and one of them might have been another fountain pen, which I don't have cartridges for. So I was like, I don't want that now, because I don't cartridges for it. So now the choice becomes less about the emotional state. And it's more about the factual context. And I might notice the feelings I have on this pen. I smaller still there, but not as potent, not as shoddy the word. So then I go, Oh, do I want to leave this out? Oh, it's the only fountain pen I have. And it's the we start to process the factual bits more and we go, Oh, yes, I do want this now. So we get to feel the heartbeat feelings and we get to notice the commonalities. There might be a few things that are tied to my dad. And I might go as the pan is that glasses case? And the thing? Oh, they're all tied to my dad. Oh, right. Interesting. Not, oh, no, you got you got daddy problems. Like it's just a case of going, Oh, there's some information that makes sense to me. So then when I come down to something else that has a connection to my dad, I get to go, oh, okay, I recommend recognizing those feelings. They don't feel as alien, they don't feel as old as well full. And it just is helped me so much in the people I've worked with. It actually means that whether they keep the thing or don't keep the thing is irrelevant. Because the aim is to just realign that story of like, Who are you in this moment? Who do you want? What story do you want to tell? So it's really glorious thing to witness as people start to relinquish the need for results.

Paul Sockett 17:09
And start to come into what I call the present Why? Which is the do I want? or need this now? conscious choice? You might be yes might be no might be not? No. Yeah. And it's all beautiful and fine. is conscious choice is all that I try to invite people towards.

Yong Pratt 17:26
Yeah, and I love this process of yours. Because you mentioned the conditioning because we grow up. Yeah, we were conditioned to have this more mentality all the time. So when we go through this, and we are sorting through our stuff, I love the process that you allow for the feelings, the emotions, because I think in other methods, that's not part of it. Right? You don't you just it's a snap judgment. And I know for me in my type of Human Design, making decisions takes a little bit of time, because I really do need to experience all the emotions, the highs and lows before I actually make the decision. So that other method when I tried it, yeah, the next day, because it was a different day. It was like, oh, man, this does not this is not my that I had to go replace things because I didn't ask myself the question, do I need it now? Is that useful now? Because they were. And I've gone through this process several times. And I've rethought a lot of things because I didn't really allow those feelings to come up. So I really appreciate that. You say? No, you want to, you want to give it factual context and ask yourself some questions. And as it relates to your identity as it relates to your story. That's, I think the missing piece in a lot of different systems that that part is our self and who we are. And the story we have in our head is disengaged from the stuff. So in this perspective, I really do like that. You're taking all that into consideration, you guide people through this process. So at the end, it feels but it feels good. It feels satisfying, there is a result, it's not black and white. There may have been some muddy areas. However, there's still a result in the end result it sounds like your clients experience is that they're grateful because they understand the story that the stuff was telling to them.

Paul Sockett 19:08
Yeah, and they get to, they get to claim their spaces. There's Yes, there's a real, there's a real energy in life that we have to earn our right to be in space. That we have to justify the bigger house by filling it. We have to justify being in a relationship by being helpful and caring and all and those are all great qualities. But it's it's can be harmful to the self to use that as a tool to success to the result. Because it's because the result in that framework is that relationship stays as a relationship forever. So if there's some form of relinquishing of the need for that, that that model of the lifetime relationship as something that we need to fight for.

Paul Sockett 20:09
Word I love words, and that our words are so powerful. Our words matter. And our words are also parts of our stuff. The words that we use are words that we choose to, to tell other people and share our identity with other people. So I'm really always very conscious about the words I use. And if I, if someone uses a word, so I believe that everyone's got a definition, a different definition of all of the words based on their lived experience. So what that means is, it can be a bit of a tricky minefield, I mean, I've been in conversations with people where it feels like we're just missing each other. And that's using a word like commitment. And I am thinking, why are we not clicking in this moment?

Paul Sockett 21:01
Because their definition of commitment potentially, is different to mine. But what I'm doing is I'm hearing their words through my definition. So what I get to do, and it's vulnerable, as heck, it requires patience, and it requires trust of ourselves, and also the person that we're talking to, to ask them what they mean by word like to ask them, How do you define commitment, because because I want to hear that word through how you mean it. Because then when I get to use the word commitment, I can use it within the framework that they understand. And that is how conscious choice in a relationship and in a conversation is, is kept. Because as soon as I start to filter someone else's words through my lens, I'm over there somewhere. And they're going off in this direction, thinking I'm with them. But then by the time we get to conflict, which is always like the point where we're then shouting at each other, is like what were miles apart, and was trying to reach into the middle. And we're just confused as to how suddenly we're miles apart from each other.

Paul Sockett 22:18
So by shaping our space with patience, by releasing the need for an end result of our conversation, where I win, you lose, or I lose you, when we can sacrifice our own belief for the sake of somebody else's happiness or pleasure. We get to go on this journey of conversation together. And it's incredibly beautiful, and there is no it's there is no fatigue, that happens in those conversations. Because it's just, it's refilling. And it's glorious. And it requires work and time to build that trust with another person. And to also, just like with the stuff of like picking up a thing and go in her feelings. The more we do it in a low stakes environment, the more space we have to notice some of those individual feelings, not the lumping of merch, that it can feel instead. That is the same with conversation. And it's in it's a bit of a lost art actually now, because it's where we're very divided world where having a stand point is key. And that there is no wavering from that standpoint.

Yong Pratt 23:47
Right. Yeah, and I've never really thought about when I say words, and somebody else interprets them that their meaning is not going to be the same as mine. So but it is true, because we all have our different experiences, we have different upbringings different different life events that have happened. So we put words into the context that makes sense for our brains. So that leads me to the next question about, you know, that people may not interpret your words the same way. So when you're creating content, I first want to know your favorite way to create content. But how do you choose the words that are going to resonate with the people you want them to resonate with?

Paul Sockett 24:21
That's a great question. That's a great question. And it's a really, it's, for me, at this point, it's still a tricky one to navigate because there is the part of me that has been conditioned to be able to quantify my impact and to make things dependent on that impact in order to justify the effort. And there's this part of me this intuitive self who is going bass heavy man that's real heavy. And that and that takes a lot of effort just to find that space, because it what it requires me to do is to embody another person. Almost to embody Marketing Paul or Content Paul or whatever we want to call him to then create the thing that is going to impact the most people.

Paul Sockett 25:14
So what I start to do, because it all comes back to story is I start to get very general. Because what I'm trying to do is play the numbers. It's the economy is based on large numbers, because what happens then is you can, you can predict people, people become very predictable in large numbers. So if, if I choose to neglect or put to one side, my, the words that feel aligned, in this moment to write down or share, and I go, Oh, yeah, bought that, that's only probably only a few people are gonna think that makes any sense whatsoever. What I can do is I can start to play the economic system game and go, Okay, what would 1000 people like to hear. And that story can be, again, a million miles away from what feels true. So I have to stay anchored to this content pole as hard as possible. And that takes all this energy. So then the words that come out are even less energetic. So it's all about, we can't create energy, we can only transfer energy. So it's how we utilize that energy in that space. And if I instead, go, what are the words that feel really juicy, and cute, like curiosity inducing for me, or exciting, or all of these things, not important, not impactful, not significant. That's all subjective to me, in this moment, what feels like the next word. So we need to be thinking about the next word. Because there's always a word behind it, we just don't need to know what it is yet. And so for me, I enjoy writing poetry. I started a little experiment during May trying to write a small intimacy themed poem, for the month of May. And that's been going really great. And it's really fun. And it's really great for me, as I'm a solo wonder, am I my girlfriend's in America, and we won't see each other for six months? What intimacy gets to look and feel like for me, and in this world that we are living in this moment, intimacy has been lacking for many people.

Yong Pratt 27:46
Yes, for sure.

Paul Sockett 27:49
So for me, this experiment was for me. And I get to trust that if it's in a space, I've created a vibration. I've created a ripple. What I don't do is try to control the ripple. Because we can't. You're the name of your company is really interesting to me. I was like, Amplify Your Awesome...Ohh, so I was like, I was digging into it. What was the like the definition? How do you amplify something. And I was, I'm so fascinated by this idea of amplification, because it is the ripple effect. From a very into out energy rather than going, here's the world and I need to try and fit into it. It's very, this is what I have. And this is how I create a sound that travels. And I love it...amplify. It's not a word that I kind of see very often or even use really, and I often it's great. It's awesome. is it's it's not about us, I'd love to hear you actually, I'd love to hear what you what you define awesome as.

Yong Pratt 29:06
Thank you for saying that this name is is a good one because it took me a while to find it. But it was one of those intuitive moments where I was thinking about it. And I was changing the name from a different from a different name. And, and I got this hit about the you know, the amplification for one because for so long, I tried to fit into that box where I would try to follow someone else's example like well, they had all the success and all the people had the same success. So I'm going to do it this way. And it never ended up working for me. I mean, it might work a little bit but it was never what I really wanted. So it was really about taking all those awesome bits, everything that makes you unique, all your gifts, all your talents, all your experiences that you can just openly share whether it's through a blog, whether it's through words, whether it's through video, everyone has awesomeness to share.

Yong Pratt 29:53
You mentioned something earlier about people think we have to earn the right to be in the space. And we were all put here for a reason. We just sometimes have to dig a little deeper to find out what it is. But when you find those things, and you find the things that bring you joy, and then you can go amplify them simply by sharing them with people in different contexts, in different venues at different spaces in time. That's how we get to amplify our awesome it really is about being your unique self, in all, its crazy, weird glory sometimes, and then being able to share that in in a bigger, more profound way. And, and I love to help people do that, so that they can monetize that, because that's not talked about either. We talked about content creation all day long every day, more content, more content, more content, but no one talks about, well, how do you turn your awesomeness into actual money that can support a family and bring you joy, and help you create all these things that you're meant to create in this life? So for me, it's kind of a long answer to this, this short question about amplifying your awesome is really, again, about taking those awesome parts of yourself, or, you know, going on a journey with someone like you or me, and co-creating and asking questions of people so that they start to be curious about themselves. Because I am supremely curious. I know you're very curious. I love that you use the word experiment. I use that word a lot as well, because it's all an experiment. So if we can go out there and try different things on, ask questions of ourselves, ask questions of others, that really helps us to inform this awesome person we truly are meant to be.

Paul Sockett 31:26
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I, myself, and I witnessed a lot of people seeking answers. And I truly don't believe that answers exist. There's only information. And it's it is part of this experiment, that an experiment is merely trying something and then trying it again, or trying something slightly different. And seeing what comes back. Not, we can hypothesize that this is the difference between thought and feeling we can we can think about what something's going to feel like until we go blue in the face. And we often do.

Yong Pratt 32:09
Yes, absolutely.

Paul Sockett 32:10
Because it's easier, and it's safer to just to get be in our analysis brain than it is to try a thing. And to feel what it feels like. Because that's really vulnerable. Yeah. Not just to try something because in some of those considerations, it's, I want to change my job, I want to do something big, change something, it feels big. And so there's some messaging and you know, this conditioning around, you need to make a claim of who you are, like, again, its identity. It's, if I do this thing that is out of the information that other people have of me, then it's going to make them feel uncomfortable, so we don't do it. So I will feel uncomfortable, in my thought process for longer, until maybe the magical, you know, the magical spirits of novelty will allow me the chance to do it without having to go I want to do this.

Paul Sockett 33:16
Because then it's coincidence, then it's Oh, this just allowed me to do it is this out to in energy of needing something to be present for us to do it. Whereas the, the most powerful fizzy thing is to go This feels really great and exciting and, and unknown and fearful, but not in a danger way. This is like vulnerabilities of very commonly used word and there's two types of vulnerability vulnerability to be in danger. And which is the out in energy that someone else is in control of the scenario. And we are just whatever falls out of it falls out of it, and we've just got to deal with it. And there's vulnerability of the into our energy, which is I choose to be soft. And I choose to receive and I choose to be wide, it's the feminine, I choose to be why aid and powerful like there's such power in that feminine as just being open and but the commonalities that are out to end of being vulnerable or feeling scared. Yes, but fear also comes with the inter out vulnerability. And and all you know, too awesome is to, is to inspire and express or the thing we, when we see someone feeling or and sharing what they find awesome. makes us feel or like inspires or in us. Yes. And so Like, yes, whatever you're talking about. Yes. Tell me more, do you? Yes.

Yong Pratt 35:05
Yeah, it's Yeah, it's a different energy. And as you're explaining this, you know, both of us coming from performing arts backgrounds, I think of it in terms of costumes, it's really easy to put on a costume and live into that and like, live into other people's expectations. But it's something different entirely to take the costume off and stand on the center stage, with a spotlight on you being real, being raw, being your weird self. And that's, that's really what this whole brand is about about. You can be your awesome self, no matter what that looks like. So Paul, I know we could talk for a long time. I know, I want to make sure I'm very conscientious for our listeners, so they can listen to this in one go. Because there's so much we unpacked today about stuff and the emotions tied to stuff and how to how to streamline that stuff. So I know people are going to have questions, where is the best place for them to connect with you?

Paul Sockett 35:56
You can find me on my website, www.PaulSockett.com. And I'm on Instagram. It's @saulpockett . S-a-u-l-p-o-c-k-e-t. And those are my main main arenas, I guess.

Yong Pratt 36:11
Amazing as I'll make sure I put those in today's show notes as well. So if you're listening on the podcast, come over to my website, www.YongPratt.com, just search up Paul's name. And he'll pop right up in his episode, we'll be there waiting for you. Because now at the beginning of summer, thinking about our stuff, looking at our stuff, and having a relationship and disconnecting our identity from our stuff. It's the perfect time to do that. So Paul, I want to thank you so much for for sharing so openly for for talking us through what could be a really big process, but a really enlightening one at the end. So thank you so much.

Paul Sockett 36:43
Thank you. It's been a joy and a pleasure.

Yong Pratt 36:46
Holy smokes, is your mind totally blown??? This conversation with Paul got me thinking about so many different things and the emotions that we have, that are tied to the things we have in our lives, whether it's physical or digital. Nothing would bring me more joy than continuing this conversation with you inside my Facebook community, the Arena of Awesome. It's the place that I love to hang out the most in this online digital space. I go live at least once a week I answer questions. I share content I don't always share anywhere else. So I would love to invite you to come over request to join the group steel is free and we are accepting new members. It's a place to play. It's a place to experiment. It's a place to get feedback. It's a place to really hone in on your awesomeness and learn to amplify it in a really profound way because you, my friend, are meant to be on that stage in that arena, center stage, eyeballs on you spotlight on you because you have so much value so much worth so much awesomeness. And together we are going to Amplify Your Awesome™. I'll catch you on the next episode. Cheers.

Yong Pratt 38:02
Thanks for tuning in, do the Amplify Your Awesome™ podcast. Let's continue this conversation inside my Facebook community the arena of awesome while it's still free and open to new members, come share your biggest takeaways and ahas. Plus, every week inside the arena, you'll get access to me and I may even share content I don't share anywhere else. Until next time, my friend go out there today and Amplify Your Awesome™!