The past month sped by with alarming ferocity, full of waiting, of hope, of unanswered questions. It grabbed hold and pulled me into an alternative reality, a parallel universe that was much the same and yet altogether different at the same time.
A month lived full of contradictions and ambiguity. Though the outer world felt muffled and distorted, like looking into a foggy mirror, clarity grew as I adjusted to find new ways of navigating through the uncertainty.
There were moments I felt like an outsider looking in, my experiences somehow removed from the rest of the world. Like standing in the stillness at the eye of the storm, seeing the chaos around me yet choosing to trust myself and my decisions.
In the past month, I’ve learned to honor the quiet hum of my being, that voice inside that wanted to be heard and needed me to listen. That voice was not always in harmony with what everyone else thought or said, but it was the guidance that I chose to trust which helped me to move forward each day.
I have a new appreciation for the power of resilience, of trusting in yourself to find solutions, and cultivating the courage to take on all that comes your way. Throughout this journey, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of myself by remembering my Human Design, the innate wisdom of my body, and the unique ways in which I show up in the world. Most importantly, it’s taught me to advocate fiercely for those whom I love and honor my authentic voice over any external expectations, especially in our current “healthcare” system.
April saw us saying goodbye to our sweet pup, Forrest, a 9-day hospitalization and still unresolved health issues for Daphne, and the passing of my dad at the age of 86. What a wild, unpredictable, and tumultuous month this has been! And yet, amidst the chaos of uncertainty and loss, I feel more grounded than ever. For me, it’s an opportunity to fully open up to how life shows up in its fullness – both the joys and sorrows – with trust that we are held in something greater.
What will you choose?
I choose today to forge ahead with purpose, passion, and with genuine compassion for others – grounded in the knowledge that we are all connected. Through it all, I am learning more of what it means to be a caregiver, a daughter, a sister, and a friend and to live every day with an abundance mindset, knowing that I am ready for this next chapter, no matter the awaiting adventures.
When Human Design found me in February of 2020 at the cusp of the lockdowns, I felt seen in a satisfying yet somehow terrifying way.
At that time, I was feeling restless, uncertain, and underwhelmed by my life and the businesses I had created thus far. It felt like something was just missing and I didn’t know what it was.
Everything I had built up to that point, including my identity, was missing the most critical piece….ME!
Looking back, the experience was akin to following the white rabbit down the hole to Wonderland. Things in this new land were curious and not always as they seemed.
Everywhere I looked in Wonderland, I saw magical things
Giants squashing dreams that were so pervasive, they sneaked through crevices to appear again and again
Stories from the past resurfaced, this time with alternative endings
Impossible things show themselves in vivid color
My Wonderland also held for me a new way of viewing myself and life, a treasure map of sorts.
As I began to explore….
Shrinking and growing to walk through the doors, I was presented with a deeper understanding of myself.
I began noticing patterns in my life and (gulp) why I had repeated them so often.
I saw why certain things had worked in business and why others had not despite all my hustling and working harder.
Neon signs winked at me from around every turn. They pointed to paths of growth I could follow and explore.
In Wonderland, ALL my cards and stories were on the table. My shadows and my superpowers (thanks for this phrase, Michelle Lawson😉 ) .
I could pick through each with new insight. I could so clearly see my life and the limitations others had imposed on me.
Can you say societal, familial, and cultural conditioning???
I saw the gifts that I was given, yet hidden away for fear that I would be labeled as “different.”
Wonderland goes by a different name – a name known by more and more people each day.
The longer I’m immersed in this world of Human Design, the more I see when I browse my social feeds. Thank you, Reticular Activating System [RAS]!
In case you’re unfamiliar with the RAS, it’s a nifty sifting system your brain has created. It takes in the millions of pieces of data we receive daily and filters them. It cuts through all the “noise” to help you see more of what you want or believe.
This is the system that works on your behalf when in the market to buy a new car, new shoes, heck anything. All of a sudden, you see that very item everywhere!
It’s a bit of a slippery slope though…if you’re focused on how dire things are or how much you lack, the RAS will present evidence to confirm that, too.
In short, the RAS confirms or refutes information based on the filters you have programmed it to receive.
Turns out Henry Ford was right when he said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”
What I’ve begun to notice is that there are many out there that use and apply Human Design as a convenient Labeling System! 😳
Because it’s so easy to do.
To label things…
In reality, it’s exactly what I did to myself when Human Design first found me. When I discovered that I was a Projector, I thought I could only operate within a certain set of “guidelines.”
Human Design is often described as a personality test and is lumped together with the likes of the Meyers-Briggs, Enneagram, etc.
To label Human Design so simply is misleading as best. At worst, that label negates the wealth of information your Human Design Chart carries. That’s been my experience, anyway.
What if we drop the labels and explore Human Design for what it truly offers us?
A beautiful doorway – a portal to your own version of Wonderland – through which we can get to know ourselves, our authentic selves, including the parts of us we often hide.
Sounds exciting, right???
If you’re curious about Human Design and the magic it holds for you, I’m feeling called to create a video (or several).
When Human Design found its way to me via Amy Isaman and called me out nearly three years ago, I had no idea the journey on which I was about to embark.
It was February 2020, right before the world shut down and I was feeling lost. It felt as though something was missing in my life. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
I had built several businesses by this point, yet I wasn’t experiencing the fulfillment I thought I would. Looking back, I can see many habits and familiar patterns that kept repeating themselves because I thought I “should” or needed to do those things.
Hindsight is a funny thing. Looking back, I could clearly see that I was caught in a
Never-ending spin cycle:
Move on to build the next thing.
Celebrations, if any were rare and often silent. After all, I didn’t want to be a braggart as I checked off off little boxes on my metaphorical life tally.
It was a time of profound emotions that I kept locked up inside myself. On the outside, all looked well, yet internally there was tremendous turmoil raging. Couple all that with a global pandemic and you can surmise that something big was about to go down.
There were but a few of the emotions that raged inside, taking their toll on my physical body in ways I would not discover until later.
It was mass confusion.
There wasn’t a clear path forward…
So many years of my entrepreneurial journey were spent seeking out the next best strategies, tactics, mentors, and courses.
And none of them got me to where I wanted to go.
Naturally, that led to the conclusion that maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be an entrepreneur.
Isn’t it interesting how we humans can make seemingly unrelated things have meanings that are so far from reality?
On that day in February, I discovered there was one path I had yet to explore in depth.
A path I had ventured onto a time or two, yet one on which I was extraordinarily uncomfortable and unfamiliar so didn’t bother to stay on for long.
All I knew was that I needed to “do” something to relieve the pressure that was building inside me.
And so I did the one thing I didn’t want to do.
I chose the path less traveled.
I stepped into the discomfort, into the unfamiliar, and chose myself.
Choosing to “know myself” was really the only possibility I had left to explore.
Human Design allowed me to fill my cup in more ways than one.
It quenched my love of learning, my love of science, and all things metaphysical.
At the beginning of my Human Design Journey, it was more about gaining knowledge than applying it to myself.
I kept Human Design at arm’s length for quite some time and that worked…
until it didn’t.
What I soon realized was that Human Design was calling me out from the darkness I was feeling and beckoning me into the light of a life well-lived.
Calling me out to…
Be the person I was designed to be, not the person I was currently being.
Speak up, and share my gifts, my talents, and my passions in a bigger way, not hide them behind a computer screen, locked away in a cloud vault.
Live and embody my full design, not hide parts away the parts I don’t think people won’t like or accept.
Share what I’ve learned from self-study and so many incredible mentors who have lovingly stepped up to share their wisdom with me including Jackie Johnstone Jamie Palmer Alexandra Danieli Karen Curry Parker.
Guide YOU on your quest for transformation, so that you can step into the best version of yourself. To step into the spotlight of the life YOU know they’re meant to live.
Be a channel to write these words, to invite you along on this journey of self-discovery, self-realization, of living and embodying YOUR Human Design.
This journey into the heart and soul of me of nearly three years hasn’t always been easy. Detangling from life’s conditioning, from the belief that logic and using my thinking brain is the answer to everything, to questioning beliefs and the meaning that I’ve held onto for so long.
This is the work and the magic of Human Design.
To get back to the heart and soul of who you really are, who you’re designed to be.
To fulfill your role on the planet at this time.
It’s your turn to choose.
You are enough.
You know enough.
Everything you need is already inside you.
If you’re feeling called to take the path less traveled and dive into the depths of you, I’d be honored to be your guide.